Fears... Writing fears

Happy Wednesday!

I'm skipping the daily prompt. I'll do a 'two in one' tomorrow. It's some question that's silly. So it'll be fine if I don't do it right now (or at all). Also... I'm tired. My brain won't allow me to be creative with my answers. The truth is I need to write about my fears because they aren't leaving me alone.

I've been editing this draft for almost a month now (I'm on the fourth draft). I've been editing non stop since Friday night. Non stop, of course, is an exaggeration. I eat and I work. I also edit with the television on. I can't work in silence. I need music or background noise. (Side note, C and I have been watching Nashville on Netflix. I'm invested. Unfortunate that Netflix only has the first season).

I have also been editing every day at lunch at my desk. This means, I'm now dreaming about my novel. It's on my brain ALMOST 24-7. Is this healthy? I have no idea, but it doesn't feel like it.

Last night, I didn't sleep well. I'm pretty sure it was around three minute intervals, and I'd wake up with a new thought, and then try to get back to sleep. C confirmed this because I woke him up quite often with my wonderful tossing and turning. (I'm a pleasure to sleep with.) Especially while in editing stages. My goal now is to be done Friday. I want to get up on Saturday and have a weekend off. I'd like to leave the house, go for drinks with friends, and hang out outside the house. Friday night, I plan to email my novel off to my last three 'readers', and then take the rest of the weekend off.

Monday and the following two weeks, I will be working on writing a fantastic fucking query letter. I've never written one, so I will be doing a bit more research on it. Then... I'll perfect the first 20 pages of my novel even more, and send it off to a publisher. My first choice publisher. If they say no, I'll send it to the next one.

Fears Below...

Tried to be artsy with this photo. Didn't work. I cut of letters. I'll try it again some other day, and leave this one here.

The only writer to whom you should compare yourself is the writer you were yesterday.
 

Fears Fears Fears

I've written all my life. I've written for papers, and I've taken Creative Writing classes and workshops. I've blogged, and I've done writing for the radio (work), as well as personal writing like journals and letters.

In my entire life, I've sent only ONE story into a magazine. I can't even remember where. It was a short story (a great one). I wrote it when I was a teenager, and sent it to a youth/teen writing magazine. I'm sure the story wasn't perfect. If I read it now, I would find so many things to change.

I received a big fat (yet polite) NO from them. They gave advice, and encouragement, but it was still a no. I want to say I was sad, but I actually have no memory of being sad. (If it were now, I'd cry because I am REALLY good at crying). 

Here's what I did: I didn't try again. I shrugged it off, moved on with my life, I still wrote, but I never sent anything away again. It may have been partially laziness, but I'm guessing it was also fear. I didn't try, and that should be my biggest regret. I will be trying this time, and I'm already preparing myself for the first 'no'. Maybe it'll be a yes, but that seems pretty unlikely. It's a first novel, that can probably use a lot more love and attention.

This is my first novel, anything I wrote before had been short stories. There was a HUGE break when I didn't really write fiction or stories at all. I can't even imagine not writing now. I've somehow made it one of the essentials to my life. I'm pretty damn grateful for that.

Either way, I'm scared shitless. It was one thing, to finish my novel, but I think actually sending it away, will be my biggest accomplishment. I'll be proud of myself. It's easy to feel brave when you don't actually try things.

Don't worry, you'll know when it happens. I'll be blogging about it.

That is the fear portion of the day. Maybe writing this will help me sleep tonight.

Back to Brave Erin.

This is an interesting article I found about books being ready for publication. Good read.

http://writerunboxed.com/2014/02/08/is-your-book-good-enough-for-publication-a-cold-blooded-assessment/#more-26374

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