I wrote this in two parts. My mood changed drastically between the two.
May 8th:
The Bottom Dropping Out
Things are going really well for me lately. I found the best possible man for me (I would go so far as to say my soul mate), and we are happy. I have a job that pays me, and I work with great people. I have awesome friends (that doesn't change), and my family is healthy and happy.
Even though my novel isn't really getting anywhere YET, I am highly optimistic about it being published.
Unfortunately, even though I speak often about gratitude, and I am SO VERY grateful for the way my life is turning out, the evil pessimist on me jumps out at the worst times. Instead of being excited for the future and loving my present, I have a knot in my stomach because I feel like things can't go this well.
It's terrible right? I can't just appreciate what I have because I'm worried something bad is going to happen to take away my happiness. This could be my past unhappiness coming back to haunt me, or it's just my negativity popping out at an inconvenient time. Negativity is ALWAYS inconvenient.
I usually live with the 'What happens happens" mentality, but at the same time, I prepare myself for the worst. I'm worried my life can't continue going as well as it is.
May 9
I didn't finish writing yesterday, I was going to finish later.
But here's the thing: I had a great day. One of those day, where you look at your life in one moment and think, "Am I really this lucky?"
It was as simple as backyard time with Clint. Phone calls to my mom. Emails to my sister. Texts to my friends. Even if the bottom does drop out, I've got my support system, and I'm going to be okay.
I don't have a lot to say today. The fear is always going to be there. I fear loss, I fear things not happening the way I hope, and I fear losing what I have. However, I won't let that fear stop me from enjoying every single day and every single moment. Things are good. Things will continue to be good, and I'll continue to appreciate it.
Some pictures of my day and of my yard.
My inside plants.
Partner in Crime and I. Yes... we do outdoor work in matching hats.
These are already growing in our yard from the previous owners.
Planting stuff!
Handsome co helper.
C took some pics. I like them! Me working hard. (At times)
Happy weekend all
As always,
"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
©ErinLeahMcCrea All photos I share on my blogs are my own, please Ask Me For Permission Before Using Them.
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