Feb 21 Wedding Story?

21.   Wedding story

A wedding story, hey? Well, I don't have an engagement story, so obviously I don't have a wedding party. I've been to weddings, and I've been in weddings, but I haven't had my own.

Here is the absolute truth: I might not have a wedding story of my own. I can imagine my wedding, and I can imagine the pretty dress, the pretty ring, and celebrating the day in front of friends and family. This might not happen though, and I'm okay with that. 

I've let C know that I do want to marry him, but he also knows that I choose to be with him whether we ever get married or not. It's not the most important thing to either of us. 

This however doesn't stop people from asking and wondering if we'll get married. It's like the steps of life, and people think I'm behind. In fact, sometimes I think I'm behind. I'm happy though. I'm happy about where I am in life. I will continue to be happy because there is no point in being upset or bitter about where I'm not in life.

Since I'm on the topic of the 'appropriate' steps in life, more than once I've been asked when I'm having babies. It happened just recently, and I'm seriously not singling this person out because it happens a lot. They ask if I'm having kids (usually as a joke), and I point out that I'm already 33. It's usually somebody older that ask me so when I say that they laugh at me.

Here's another truth. I'm giving myself until I'm 35 to have or not have kids. I'm not pushing it, but I'm going to be happy with my life if I turn 35 and don't have kids.

I've had people argue with me about the age I've chosen. Why? If I'm happy without kids, why tell me I can still have them at 40? I don't want to raise kids when I'm 40.

You know what I'm doing this weekend? I'm sleeping in, I'm drinking coffee, and then wine, I'm watching some Netflix, and I'm writing. C and I will eat as well, but I can do all this and I can be as selfish as I like, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with the fact that in two years when I'm 35 I can still be selfish. If I do have kids, I know I will be happy and grateful, but if I don't it won't be something I regret. I enjoy my life. Right now, I choose C. I choose him over marriage and children. I choose writing over marriage and children as well. 

So that is my non marriage story. I don't have it. Maybe someday I will. Or maybe I can be happy with the life that C and I will make with each other. Or -the life I make for myself. I have to tell you, it's pretty good, and to have somebody make me feel bad because I don't have kids and I don't have a marriage... it's making them look bad. Not me.

I've been wanting to write this for a while. I'm glad I got the chance. 

Until next time. 

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