Sunday, 17 September 2017

100 Days of Writing

Sept 17, 2017

This is my 100th day in a row of writing. I did it. I know for a fact, that I haven't formed a habit (even though that was my plan) so the only thing I've formed is the resolve to write. I know if I don't write, I'll let myself down. I still have to hold myself accountable. Even if I've already done 100 days in a row, I still have so much more to do.

Next up - 200 days.

It was hard to do. I love writing, but I didn't want to do it every night. I spend A LOT of time with Anthony. It takes a lot of energy to be with a 16 month old all day. Some nights, I had to force myself to write. Those were the nights I only did small bits of writing.

In fact, it's after 10 p.m. right now, and I'm only just starting.

Awkward thumbs up. Awkward selfie. It's okay. Awkward suits me.

I had a lot of plans for my 100th day. It was going to be filled with writing. I was going to do this post. I was going to do a prompt and my happy thought (which I'll still be doing), and I was planning to do a whole bunch of editing. That's probably not going to happen now.

My kiddo wouldn't sleep. He had a fun day at a Pumpkin Festival (anybody in the Saskatoon area should definitely check out Black Fox. They've got great festivals.) He had a late nap which meant he was not ready to go to bed when I wanted him to go to bed.

That's my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it means Erin's Writing Life starts later. I've said this before, but possibly not in this blog. I did not realise how hard it would be to write when Clint was gone. It's a lot harder to get as much writing as I'd like. Part of that is raising a kid that never slows down, and part of it is making myself do more.

I find it interesting that after writing 100 days in a row, I am not as proud as myself as I think I should be. Instead, the only thing that seems to be going through my mind is: "You can do better."

It's not fair that I can't just be happy for my accomplishment, but maybe it's good that I'm holding myself more accountable than ever before. Possibly, if I had been holding myself accountable before this, I'd have a novel published.

I've never been good at quitting, but I have been good at letting myself do less than I could. If I don't push myself to be the best person and the best writer that I can be, who will? I can't ask that of anybody else. It's up to me. I HAVE to push myself, and I have to keep reminding myself that I can do better.

I wrote every day. Usually it was a happy thought, and a prompt.

Other days it would be a blog post. Very few days it was a journal entry (that secret book for nobody but me). For the past three weeks, it's been editing my novel. I know this isn't exactly writing, but it's a writing process. It's the MOST important part of my goal. I've started off slowly, but I need to be more consistent in my editing. I need to do five pages a day. No less than that. I started at one, and haven't worked up to five yet. That's actually a little embarrassing.

I guess, I think all the other writing isn't as important. So even though I'm proud of myself for writing every day, I would be more proud if I was accomplishing more with my novel. I love my novel. I want to make it better. I want to love it more. That's never going to happen if I don't push harder every day.

These past three weeks, I've given myself the chance to reintroduce myself to the characters I gave life. It's been wonderful. I missed them. I feel terrible that they've been neglected for about three years.

I let life get in the way of writing at a time when life didn't have to get in the way. If I've learned anything from my 100 Days of Writing, it's that I have to write. Following my dreams means nothing if I'm not writing. It means nothing if I'm not trying.

If I don't ever reach my dream goals, at least I can say I fought like hell to get my writing out there.

If I can't say that, I have nothing.

So here's to fighting like hell. I'm going to continue. I'll still be trying to do one post a week. And I'll still be doing everything I did in the past 100 days. But more. And better.

If nothing else, the 100 days has motivated me. I'd say that's a pretty good reward.

Happy Sunday. Momming and Writing will continue during the week just as it has during the weekend.

This is what we did before writing. Hay and pumpkins. The best day.

Followed by night time writing. Pretty great day.

“Exercise the writing muscle every day, even if it is only a letter, notes, a title list, a character sketch, a journal entry. Writers are like dancers, like athletes. Without that exercise, the muscles seize up.”

― Jane Yolen

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

©ErinLeahMcCrea All photos I share on my blogs are my own, please Ask Me For Permission Before Using Them.

Also, check out my ongoing book blog: Proud Bookworm at: http://bookserinread.blogspot.ca/

I occasionally do guest Mom posts for a local Mommy Connections blog. Check them out, and others here:
http://www.mommyconnections.ca/saskatoon/category/mommy-connections-news/

Blogs I used to write on but not being updated:

http://lifeisgoodandhereisproof.blogspot.ca/

and

http://erinlm.blogspot.ca/

Sunday, 10 September 2017

Mom-Cation Time

September 10, 2017

I'm writing this blog post from a hotel room. A hotel room in my own city. I'm having a Mom-cation.

Anthony enjoying my king sized bed before he and my mom left.

I've been a mom for ALMOST 16 months. This is my first time away from my baby.

My mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday. This is what I wanted. A night away. It's definitely time. I love my kid, but I think for my sanity, this was very important.

All Alone!

Since Clint is away for work with the dog, my mom is in the city taking care of my baby while I hang out on my own for the night.

I came here planning to write. I will write, but before that I took a REALLY long shower, I danced around in my underwear (which I can do at home, but still took advantage of), and I did my nails.

The room deal also came with a bottle of wine. Which is basically all I need.

I am writing now. I'm starting with a blog post, and then my journal writings (happy thoughts, prompt, actual journal). I'm also planning to set my new goals for next week, and (of course) edit my novel. I don't usually have time for such lofty goals at home, but I'm going all out tonight.

Mom and Anthony drove me to the hotel. On the way here, my stomach was in knots. It's silly, but I didn't know if I would be okay away from Anthony for the night.

Who would want to leave this guy?

That was at 3. It's 8 now, and I'm good. I needed the self care. I haven't done as much writing as I planned, but that's fine. This time is me time, and I'm not going to stress myself out.

That being said, every time I text Clint, he asks me if I'm writing. He's good with the reminders. He's holding me accountable, and reminding me I need to actively follow my dream. I'm writing now, and will continue until I have to sleep. I'm ready to sleep now though.

My writing hasn't gone as well as I hoped this week. I wrote everyday, as planned, but I didn't edit as much as I had hoped. I underestimated how hard it would be after Clint left.

When he was home, we took turns putting Anthony to bed. Clint also got up with Anthony in the morning when I needed an extra sleep in. Now, I'm doing it all alone while Clint works (he has the hardest part - being away from us.) It's tough. By the time I get Anthony to sleep, and clean the kitchen (and whatever else has been ignored during the day), I'm exhausted. Writing is easy for me. It helps me. But it's hard to make myself do it. Sometimes I just want to get into bed, have a glass of wine, and watch Netflix.

I have now written 93 days in a row. This week, I wanted to edit five pages of my novel a day. That's not a lot, but I didn't get that much done. I made sure to get AT LEAST one page a day. I refuse to feel guilty. All I need to feel is the urge to do better the next week. And I will. (Or I'll try.)

I don't have a lot to say right now. I'm just here, in a hotel room, all by myself. I'm planning to get a wonderful sleep, and a wonderful sleep in, and I'm planning to write. (Write more than this post.)

I'm staying here until check out tomorrow, so maybe I'll even get a bit of extra writing done in the morning. (Although, I'm planning another EXTRA long shower in the morning.)

This is my life now. Excitement over being alone. So strange. I've said before that being a Mom is a lonely job. It's strange that I enjoy being alone as well. I should want to be out living it up with my friends. (That sounds exhausting.)

I don't feel lonely tonight, but I'm going to be really happy to wake up tomorrow knowing that I'll be spending my birthday with my son. I don't need much more than that.

Happy Sunday all!

(The photos are tonight's plans. Reading,writing, eating, and wine.)

“Exercise the writing muscle every day, even if it is only a letter, notes, a title list, a character sketch, a journal entry. Writers are like dancers, like athletes. Without that exercise, the muscles seize up.”

― Jane Yolen

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Blogs I used to write on but not being updated:

http://lifeisgoodandhereisproof.blogspot.ca/

and

http://erinlm.blogspot.ca/

Friday, 1 September 2017

Mommy Update

September 1, 2017

Last week, I did a writing post. This week, I'll do a Mom post.

My partner has driven off to Ontario. He took our dog as well. He's going to work there until I meet up with him at the end of the month, and then HOPEFULLY he'll be coming home. (I'll be flying, and he'll be driving).

Hugging Drogo goodbye.

I'm used to him leaving. Although, we've been lucky enough to spend the summer together so it's still hard. Anthony is now at the age where he loves spending time with his Daddy (as do I), and it was sad to see them say goodbye.

I'm not used to being away from Drogo. When C is gone, I still have Drogo sharing my bed. He's always underfoot in the most loving way possible. He's always there for a snuggle.

Not to mention Anthony LOVES him. The dog doesn't love Anthony. He may like the break.

Long story short, I'm already missing him like crazy. I should be happy to not have a 100 pound dog sharing my bed, but I miss him. I miss my huge love bug.

So basically, I'm solo parenting it for a month. Not a single parent (thank goodness, I would not be able to handle the stress), but solo parenting. I've done it before, but it's always hard after a good amount of time with him.

Which brings me to my original topic. I had planned to write this a while ago, but of course, I did not get to it.

The reason I am able to handle solo parenting for a month is because I am lucky enough to have a wonderful Mom crew.

It's also easier now because I've learned to ask for help when I need it. Actually, I don't know if that's true. I'm still no good at asking for help, but if I'm desperate, I know I've got support.

A few weeks ago, I shared a post on FB and Instagram about how lonely it is to be a Mom, and why we need to find help, and make sure to reach out to friends.

I posted it next to a photo of me in front of a Social Mom bus. Here is what I said:

"I probably should write a blog post about this because I have a lot to say (shocking, no?) Too late.
I went to see what this is all about today. I met some Saskatoon moms, and the Social Mom crew talked about about why they started it. (I'll explain in my own words.)
Reason number one is loneliness. It's so strange to think that being a Mom is a lonely job, but many times it is. Mom friends REALLY help.
My first month was tough as hell. I was momming it on my own after Clint went back to work, and I didn't ask for help as much as I should have. I didn't know many other moms around. I'd say feeling lonely, with a bit of anxiety, and not being able to ask for help were the hardest part of being a new mom. I thought I should be able to do it alone.
I met my first Mom friend when our babes were both a month old. We met through FB, and met up in person. It was lovely to talk to somebody who was in the same place at the same time. It helped.
Since then, I've been lucky enough to find myself a great mom crew. From momma's who have been momma's for a while, to people I have known all my life, to people I would never have met if not for my pregnancy/baby.
If you're a new mom, and feeling lost, or pregnant and worried there are so MANY options!
I met a great friend through Fitbump when we were both pregnant. Now we have playdates when we can. Our babies are about 12 hours apart in age. Fitbump is a place for exercise, but also a place you can meet people and talk. Real talk. Not everything is wonderful talk. Real, non judgemental talk. I went for prenatal classes, mom and baby classes, and am doing boot camp with daycare now.
Mommy Connections is another great option. You meet tons of other moms as well as learn about all the mom activities Saskatoon has to offer. (There are many.)
I could go on and on. It helps getting out of the house when you're feeling down (or mom-sausted).
The library has programs for kids too. (Free). A mom crew is key!
And of course, there is the Mom app social that I went to today. I checked out the app. It kind of felt like Plenty of Fish (dating app) for Moms. Lol. But it also has places to talk and respond to everyone.
While there I was interviewed by CBC radio, so tune in tomorrow at 7:40. Although to me, it sounded like stuttering blah blah blah. For somebody who went to broadcasting school, and worked in radio, I've really forgotten how to speak.
I may end up writing a blog post about this anyway, so if you have any mom suggestions let me know.
Mom rant done. (But is it?)"

Basically, if you can find yourself a Mom crew, you should! It helps to have people to talk to. It helps to have people to understand.

Lately, I've come to realise, it also helps Anthony. We started Bootcamp Fitbump classes. Anthony is with the babies for an hour while his mom sweats a lot. Although, he is with me most of the time, he hasn't had trouble at all in the childcare. It's only an hour, but he's busy doing his own thing or playing with the other babies. I think having him near other kids (almost from birth) has helped him a lot.

He's getting to the age now where he has a blast with other babies. It's good because I have a blast with the Moms.

I'm happy I have people in my life I can call friends, and I know are around (and they know I am as well). I hope he grows up with the same friends, and with gratitude for having them.

I was hoping to do some research to talk about more Mom and Baby opportunities in Saskatoon. There are quite a few Mom and Baby exercise and yoga classes. There are music classes. There are library programs. It's never ending if you look. Mommy Connections helps you find them.

This is us with our grateful faces. Lucky to have the friends we do.

That's it for now. Thanks for reading.

“Exercise the writing muscle every day, even if it is only a letter, notes, a title list, a character sketch, a journal entry. Writers are like dancers, like athletes. Without that exercise, the muscles seize up.”

― Jane Yolen

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Blogs I used to write on but not being updated:

http://lifeisgoodandhereisproof.blogspot.ca/

and

http://erinlm.blogspot.ca/