It's back to real life. I'm not going to do a vacation post. I've done some gratitude picture posts in my other blog. Four of them, to be exact. The links are below. I also had a mid way through the trip update on this one. I'm not posting the link. It's seriously the post after this one.
Sunsets in Ontario (and SK)
Pretty Pretty Fall Ontario trees
The animals I met in Ontario
I arrived back in Saskatoon Saturday night, and haven't quite got to this blog yet. I've been slowly working on the Love Notes post. It's time to finish it. I have been working on the gratitude blog, as both have been neglected in my time away.
I'm back at work, and really think I'm good at not working. Two weeks off have spoiled me. It is nice to be back and see everybody though.
Now: the post. This is an especially important post to write today. Tragedy seems to be all over the place, and all I want to do is go home and hug Clint.
Clint was going through some boxes while we were at his parent's house in Ontario, and he came across some 'Ex' stuff. Pictures, cards, and inside a picture frame - behind a picture - a love letter/poem.
I need to clarify, that he wasn't showing these to me to be mean, or in jest of his ex-girlfriend. He just came across them, and I took a look before we got rid of them. I have always been interested in the details of past loves (and lovers). He's not the kind of guy to make fun of a past relationship. What they had wasn't perfect, and didn't end with them being together, but they were in love for a while.
Not everybody is lucky enough to find their love right away. I wasn't. Clint wasn't. Some are, and I'm sometimes jealous of that. Life would be different if I had found Clint first, but it's a pretty unrealistic expectation for me. I also had the chance to date other men, and I learned how to be single for a time. Possibly, I'm the lucky one.
I'm not sure what I was expecting when I saw the letter. I might have wanted to make fun of it, but while reading it, the situation was a little surreal. My comment was: "It's so sad you two didn't make it!" I was joking, of course, but the letter was nice, and full of love.
She shared a lot of the same feelings that I have for him. Selfishly, I want to believe only I feel this love for him. However, I think I've probably written the same love letters to past men in my life.
Sometimes I get a bit jealous, that he's had love before me, and sad that I've had love before him. It's just the way it works though. I need to remind myself that last love is MUCH better than first love.
None of those loves were OUR love. I know he's the person I'm going to end up with. I'm already with him. It's a different sort of love, and as soon as I leave the past loves we've both had in the past, I can focus on our present and future.
I've given Clint cards, and photos, but I actually haven't written him any sort of Love Letter.
BUT WAIT! This whole freaking blog is a bit of a love letter to him, especially in the February posts. He's read some of the posts, but probably not all of them. (I have no expectations for blog readers -including him, and frankly would rather tell him to his face how much I love him.)
When I used to write love letters, or praise my last relationships through writing, it was usually things I couldn't say out loud. Things I was afraid to say. I'm guessing the love note from his ex was similar. I talk to Clint now. I tell him how much I appreciate him, and how grateful I am that we found each other. I also tell the people that are reading this blog.
And I text him love notes all the time. He love-texts me, as well. I'm not sure if texts count as being romantic.
What's my point? I'm not really sure. It just was strange to read a note another woman had written to him, and to realise that they had a life together. If I do write him a love letter (I am sure I will), it will basically mean we can NEVER break up because I don't want a future girlfriend reading what I wrote. (That is a joke. We are together. No break ups).
I wonder if any of my ex's girlfriends (or wives) have read notes I've written in the past. Cripes. I hope not. I really hope any love notes I've written are burned up with any other cards or pictures they had. I never really understood 'ex' boxes, and this is coming from somebody who keeps everything. I do keep photos in albums though.
This is slightly off topic, but I may have a poem in one of my boxes a boy wrote for me about my flowing hair. That's the only detail I remember, and it is funny because I had short hair. Which probably means he gave the poem to more than one girl. Still - when else will somebody give me a poem?
I guess my love note post is to say I'm happy I'm always in love with Clint, and I'm happy he had somebody in his past that loved him as well. (Not as much as I do -HAHA). I feel the most gratitude because of my love for him. We found each other, and life got better. That's the most important detail for my love note. We say things like that to one another all the time, but maybe it's time I write him something to go along with the pre-written cards from Hallmark. It won't be shared on the blog though.
Tell somebody you love them today. Feels pretty good. I never hang up the phone when speaking to family and some friends without saying I love you. I never know what will happen tomorrow, so it's nice to say what I'm feeling right away.
And as always:
©ErinLeahMcCrea All photos I share on my blogs are my own, please Ask Me For Permission Before Using Them.